And I love it!
Which is a little strange.
I have always loved to be the center of attention. If you know me you are now chuckling. I think it's that first-born child/grandchild thing combined with an overly tenacious personality that means I am most at home when I am center stage with a spotlight on me. This need for attention has lessened over the years, but it's still rare that I turn away a chance to be in the limelight.
(Unless we're talking about karoake at the company Christmas party. But that's another matter entirely...)
As Aaron and I went through the years of dealing with miscarriages and infertility I used to tell him that I was okay with not being pregnant "right then" because it meant having to share the attention. That wasn't a coping mechanism - I meant it. I sincerely thought that when it was finally my turn I wanted to be the only belly in the room.
I was so so stupid.
I am literally surrounded by women with growing bellies and I am loving it. Every. Single. Minute. Some friends want to talk about it all the time. Some don't want to talk about it at all. Some are balancing being pregnant with raising other children. Some of us are worrying and discovering our way through our first pregnancy. But we have each other.
The really ironic thing is that of all these "belly buddies" I'm the last one scheduled to deliver. Check with me again when my entire circle of friends has given birth and I'm still waddling around like a beluga whale in late July, but I'm okay with that. I feel quite sure that my belly and I will be the brunt of many jokes at church when I'm the "last woman standing". I've joked with a friend or two that all I'm getting at my baby shower is a couple of cards and a container of wipes because everyone's budget will the tapped out. I'm completely kidding. I know without a doubt that we are going to be provided with everything we need (notice I say need - not want) for this little guy or gal, and more importantly, we'll be showered with love and support.
I had a sonogram Wednesday (after contracting a lovely stomach virus earlier in the week), and everything looks perfect so far. Baby Turner is three-quarters of an inch long and has a good strong heartbeat. We were able to see little arm and leg nubs and even saw some spontaneous movement.
I'm only 8.5 weeks along, and in the past this is the point where things have gone horribly wrong. When I have too much time alone with my thoughts I start to get anxious. It's the control freak in me that needs to know everything will be okay when there's no possible way to gain that knowledge.
Aaron and I have prayed over and over again that God would calm our fears and ease our anxious thoughts, and I think he's found a very unique way of answering that prayer. He can't (and I use that term loosely because I know God can do anything) give me certain knowledge that our little Peanut will continue to thrive, but He can surround me with people who are dealing with the same situation. And we can lean on each other.
Yep, if you're not interested in having a baby you might want to stay far away from me and my circle of friends. Because my God has a funny way of answering prayers in ways I never expect!