But there is one major change that I'm focused on today that I didn't mention above.
This morning I gave my two-week notice and quit my job. Yep. I sure did.
Being hospitalized kind of woke me up to the amount of stress I've been putting myself under. I've been dealing with a long commute, longer office hours, an overwhelming workload, and demanding clients. Simply for a paycheck. And I realized (after a complete meltdown involving tears and irrational ranting) that there are other ways to get a paycheck. My body is worn out, my mind is spinning, and my spirit is completely exhausted. Why, I realized, am I continuing to put myself through this when I serve the God of the Universe who tells me over and over again that HE is one who is providing for me? I knew the night of the meltdown that it was time to quit this job and look for something part-time that would allow me time to rest and take care of myself and "Q". I'm hoping I'll be able to find the energy (despite the nausea and the puking) to be involved in ministries and activities that I've been "too busy" for over the past four years.
Here's the crazy part....I don't have a job lined up. I just committed the cardinal sin of "don't-quit-your-job-until-you-have-another-one-lined-up". I also have no concrete information regarding how my insurance will be affected by this decision. It is possible that could end up unemployed and uninsured wtih a baby on the way. But I'm not worried.
Looking back, I should have seen this coming. I started a blog about learning how to not be a control freak. I wrote about creating the habits of taking time to breathe, giving of myself, and listening to the tuggings of the Holy Spirit (especially when they are illogical). I said that I was "almost looking forward to the challenge of doing something crazy and being able to give the glory to God". And God said, "Okie dokie, kiddo. Let's see if you're serious."
This is a major step for me. First of all, I had to admit that I couldn't do something (ie. work full-time while growing a person and puking several times per day). Second, I had to make the decision to walk away from a paycheck and insurance benefits (ie. decide to be completely illogical). Which brings me to Number Three which involves me having peace with not knowing what is going to happen next. So far I'm doing fine with that. I'm nervous, but I'm not scared. It's sort of like the difference between the feeling when you're standing in line for a huge roller coaster vs. the feeling when you're on the coaster slowly chugging to the top of that first deadly hill. It's stomach flutters combined with excitement. Not sheer mind-numbing terror.
I know that not everyone is going to understand or approve of this decision, but so far my husband and my family have been amazing! They have supported me with understanding and respect which makes this much easier. Knowing that I have people to pray me through tough times is an unbelieveable blessing! So, if you're willing, would you please join my family in prayer for the following things:
- Perseverence to make it through the next few weeks while I complete my obligations at my job
- A part-time job with decent pay and a reasonable commute to be found soon
- Work for my husband to continue to be abundant so we can afford monthly insurance premiums without falling behind on bills
- Continued peace and confidence for me, my husband, and my immediate family
Just in case you're wondering...I'm at the 16 week mark and I most definitely have a little baby bump. I've felt a few little flutters that I'm reasonably sure can be attributed to "Q". We don't know if we have a Miss or a Mister yet, but a sonogram is scheduled for Feb. 25th. At my appointment last week "Q" had a good strong heartbeat at about 150 bpm, and I had actually gained some weight for the first time since we started this journey. Who ever thought I'd be glad to gain weight?! I still have to take my medication every eight hours or I end up with my head hanging over the toilet. Even with the medication I still have bad days where I'm not able to eat or drink much, but I'm much better than I was two weeks ago.
To those of you who have prayed for me and encouraged me over the past two months - thank you from the bottom of my heart! It's humbling to see the power of prayer working in my life. I am so very blessed!